In a year from now??????

So last night we had a time of testimonies at church about what the Lord has done for us, etc.
And I could help but look at the last year and see how God has provided so much. In the midst of this I wonder, what will our lives look like in a year from now? Will there be a child is a part of our family? Thinking about it makes me both nervous and excited. Adoption is odd in this way because you don't really have nine months to prepare...really you don't know how long you have...

Our adoption paperwork says something like this "if it has been more than a year you will want to meet with your caseworker to discuss your situation" So does this mean in less than a year we will have a child in our arms? Such an interesting time of trusting, hoping and much more.

Homestudy: Wow! That's a lot of paperwork

Today, after a few days of anticipation, as I knew the homestudy packet was coming, we got our home study packet in the mail! And WOW! Just looking at it is overwhelming...fingerprinting, psych evaluation (Hmm that one might be tricky!), and pretty much everything you would ever want to know about us, our home, our family, our work, etc... I'm thinking 100 pages worth of stuff to fill out! Do people having their own kids have this much paperwork? Are they evaluated THAT much?

I guess in a way it is fun to have a "project" but I wish it would magically fill itself out. And in this crazy age of technology I pretty much type everything. Can I (we) really write out 100 pages worth of stuff?!

It would be easy to just not do it and keep moving on with our busy lives. I told Josh we needed a vacation just to fill it out! So in a way, filling this out really means, we are in.. moving foward...we are adopting...we are giving up our free-spirited lives...(sort of)...we are a little more eager and hopeful.

I guess really paperwork is much easier than pregnancy right--in a weird way yes, and yet in a weird way no. Okay, either way!

Yeah for homestudy paperwork!

Oh and we are still finding pictures for our photobook--we have started it and found some good pictures! Weekend goal--finish the photobook!

Working on photobooks

So yes, it has been a few days and no the photo book is not done! It seems to be more work that I thought. It should be easy but we are looking through hundreds of photos on our computer for of course the best ones!

I did talk with the adoption agency at the end of last week and they are sending us our homestudy paperwork. Yea! I'm eager to get started on that!

Both Josh and I have been excited and hopeful about what is next. Course it still seems odd to talk about it but we are getting braver and braver.. Who knows maybe this blog will actually be sent to friends and family.

I think we are both cautiously optimistic... I actually went to his local kids sale at a nearby church and picked up a few fun baby items...just for fun. At first it was really weird being at the sale and of course I ran to a ton of people who looked at me like "why are you here...?" I almost left but instead settled into buying a few fun items that at the worst could be sold again and at best... used by a baby at our house....fun and scary times....

NEED A PHOTOBOOK!

Well so today caught me by surprise, not sure why it should be because we started this process and knew something would happen...anyway got a call from the agency we are working with and the lady said, do you have a photobook ready? I said, umm no we are working on one but don't have it ready yet. She said you probably need to work on it cause I have several birth mothers ready but don't any families. So if you can get that photobook ready as soon as possible that would be good!

Yikes! How exciting and scary all at the same time! Heading home now from work to work on our first photobook!

New House with swings

Today, we moved into a new house that has lots of space (4 bed, 3.5 bath) and a perfect area for kids with a great yard, playhouse, swing set and a porch swing. It is incredible. As I sat out on the porch swing I thought about what it would be like to have as child in my arms in our new home.

I shared this news with Josh, my husband, and found out he had been thinking about similar things in our new home. It's funny, it seems our new home is aching almost as much as we are for children.

The home is an amazing provision of God and came about in a surprising way. We will see what surprises God has next.

Did our application go into space, maybe we're just impatient

Okay so it's been a few days and we haven't heard yes or no about the application being received. Did we put the right address on it? Should I call and check? I'm going to....byb........

I called but just got a voicemail. Maybe I'm impatient. It's not that my mind has been consumed by wondering but still I figured I'd write up a quick blog to say...I'm wondering... and that I bet many others who are in this process can identify with this curious time of waiting a little bit more.

Just think, this is just the beginning (or end depending on how you look at it) of waiting. How long will it be until we add to our family? God has a plan and it is in his perfect timing. How exciting is that--it is great to know that God is completely in control of this process...of how long it will take, of who the child and mother are, and so many other details that I don't even understand.

Course now that I'm looking at the calendar, it really hasn't been that long.

God is good.

Sent in Paperwork

Today was an exciting day for us. We officially began what I think of as "Step 1b" in the process of adoption. (Step 1a was selecting an agency: Commonwealth Catholic Charities of Virginia)

We, of course, meant to mail in the app all week but by the time we filled out the paperwork, found stamps, made sure we had money in the bank so the application fee ($200) would clear--it was Saturday.

To make sure it went out fastest we drove to the neighboring town to their post office. Course we took pics of us mailing the paperwork with goofy grins on our faces. :) But it is now mailed! Step 1 is all complete, now we will wait to see if they get it.

Filling out even the application paperwork makes you think. Questions like: what race, what gender, would you take a child with a handicap, would you take a child with a correctable handicap, would you accept a special needs child...How do you truly answer these questions? Especially when there are so many children who need love. On many of the "option" questions it was yes or no so we put a maybe line and checked that one. (Ha, Ha aren't we cleaver). We are aiming for a newborn adoption but said we take up to 3 years old and siblings.

But the big bonus question that really had to be wordsmithed: Why do you want to adopt?

We didn't have to think that much, and wrote something like this
"We've always dreamed about having a family and at this point naturally it is not possible sand we believe adoption is good and desireable option for us. We love children and hope to provide a loving home for a child in need." Course it seems as soon as it is written on paper it looks extra cheesy. My hope is that the person reading it won't think it is cheesy but sincere.

Today our prayer is that God will guide this process on to the next step.

What an exciting day! Now we need to get to work on our photobook as we wait to be "accepted"

Philippines, No --Catholic Charities Potential

Yes, it has been a while, nearly a year really, since we last attempted an IUI. Since then we have moved to Virginia. Where we are settling in just enough to move again to our very own house at the end of this month. Our new home will give us a few extra bedrooms and bathrooms and even a playset--that we hope will be filled with the laughter of children (ideally our own) in the future.

Since moving here, I've met with an OB and talked about local fertility specialist but haven't pursued it much further. Instead we have set our eyes on adoption. We talked with one organization about adopting from the Philippines but were told quickly "no." The conversation basically ended like this: "I am afraid that a history of your husband having had Cancer even in remission for 7 years disqualifies you for the Philippines Adoption Program." Boo! for cancer!

On the heels of that disappointment, we did find out about an organization called Catholic Charities. And I am excited to say, the conversation went well. We called and are now officially beginning our application paperwork for a domestic newborn adoption. Right now we aren't thinking foster to adopt but we are still leaving that door open a little.

Infertility: Heartaches and Hopes

The whole process of not being able to have children can be extremely hard and lonely at times.
Just recently one of my friends (one of the few) who believed she couldn't have children either was surprised to find out that she was pregnant. Her and her husband shared this news with us excitedly and my husband and I were truly thrilled! But at the same time, the news still felt like a small dagger into our hearts. It seems the list of people who are in the same position as us becomes shorter and shorter each day. Meanwhile, the list of people with babies is growing like crazy.

Are there really other people out there who can have kids? How much are their hearts breaking also? If this is you, please know we get it! And we also wonder, how to continue to smile through baby shower after baby shower while wondering---will there be a baby in our future? Ever?

In my mind I think, I should be happy for the blessing these people who have children are getting but in all honesty it is still hard. How can it not be?

In and effort to end on a slight positive note: We do still hope. We hope for a family, a family that God will provide. We hope to be a light in the life of a child who desperately hopes for parents as much as we hope for him or her. And we hope to be an example of faith to others who are facing these challenges.