Monday, October 25, 2010

three down...and virginia to go

Sharing attempt #3
Well it's been a while since I added any more thoughts on our baby journey.
Since the last time, I think we have tried the weird procedure two more times with no luck.
Definitely disappointing, confusing and just plain sucky! We are both trying to remember that God does have a plan for our family in the midst of this, but still it is a challenging emotional journey.
After our 3rd attempt at the IUI we went and talked with our doctor who recommended we continue trying and add some more drugs to help out. Unfortunately the next time I had a cyst which meant we had to skip a month. So we held off and made some big life decisions that also changed the game as far as doctors and fertility treatments go.

We decided to move to Virginia so Josh can become an associate pastor of a church there. With all that, adoption might be the direction we are headed for now, since our fertility doctors will not be as convenient. We went to a 1-day adoption conference a couple weeks ago that was very encouraging and provide a lot of great ideas and resources. Anyway, that's the story as of now.

By God's grace we continue on this road and continue to hope for baby brown.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Sharing Attempt #2

On Thursday, May 27 we tried baby attempt #2 through IUI. Much like last time it was weird but not quite as weird as the first time since we kind of had an idea of what to expect.

I felt better about it all this time and think my body was more ready---we'll see in two weeks if it was just hopefully thinking or may I really was more ready. (chance are suppose to increase per month) I had more follicles and the fertility drugs didn't make me sick like last time so that's all good.

I am still laughing a little from the doctor's comment as we got started on Thursday, "Okay, guys, let's get lucky" Very silly. During the procedure the doc and nurse started talking about some medical supplies the needed to order and it was so weird, like we were just sitting in on some staff meeting. Course I was thinking, umm couldn't you have this conversation sometime when I'm not laying on the table half naked...ha ha.

Anyway things when well, I had some weird cramping throughout the day.
We did some shopping and enjoyed a nice lunch.

We finally broke down and told Josh's mom what we were doing and she was super excited. And of course she and others keep telling me all the fun things about being pregnant--course I just want to say hold your horses, let's see if we make it there...

We'll find out June 10 if it worked. I really want it to.

This whole process has really been a learning experience from being remind of all those things I learned in high school biology about how reproductive systems works to learning how to sympathize with other women who can't have children. It is such a personal journey. I find myself irritated when someone with two children says, oh I understand we tried for two years...Maybe they can really understand but I'm like, umm no you don't understand. We have already tried two years, and we're going through this weird medical procedure using a donor---we're not even talking about the same thing. Then there are friends who have went through something similar who seem to not care or want to talk about it at all..which seems odd to me also.

I hope this process helps me better minister to women and families. Maybe not always being so quick to say oh I understand but just to say I care about you, I am sorry to hear that, and we're praying for you...I guess that's what I want to hear right now just that people care. Maybe ultimately that's what everyone wants is to truly know that someone cares about them...not someone to compare their situation to yours.

This has also got me thinking about the idea of sharing. And how to incorporate a share night in to say a women's bible study. Just a night to share what is really going on in your life and heart, which so many of us seem scared to do (including myself).

We'll that's all for today... as we wait and hope that all the parts are moving and working together to create a zygote? or baby.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Okay so a lot has happened since my first blog attempt.

I went through with the whole IUI procedure and it was weird I admit...from having a sonogram on a day when you don't really want anyone seeing what's going on inside you to having the IUI procedure with my husband standing in the room, and the doctor saying okay here we go.... Weird.

Then the waiting period...two weeks of wondering...is this going to work? Am I pregnant? Can I still drink my Starbucks Mocha? And of course lots of people telling you what helps you get pregnant and what does not. Vitamins, Orange Juice, No Caffeine, Rest, No stress--yeah right to the last one!!

In the midst of this my husband and I celebrated his graduation from seminary. It was a great day!! The Monday after the graduation celebrations we were schedule to find out, if IUI #1 worked...

The result..."your test was negative, call us when you start your next period."

Disappointment! Blahh... I then had to call my husband and tell him the disappointing news. Then I had to e-mail or text various friends to let them all know (since it seemed that many more people knew about my cycle than I every imagined knowing).

Since then, we start the process again. In 12 days from today we'll have another sonogram to see if everything is "ready". Then if so, IUI #2. I am hopeful but have to admit already feeling deflated with the thoughts of what if this doesn't work? What will we do next? How are we going to pay for all this.

My questions for God continue to grow as once again I am wondering what I'm suppose to be learning from all of this? Is this to help me better minister to other women? Is this just for me to trust more? The screaming question inside me is, "What's the deal God?"

But still I trust Him.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Our Baby Journey: An Overview

Since blogging is the thing to do (kind of I guess), I thought why not give it a try and keep track of all the crazy things my husband and I are trying to do to have a baby.

We've been married for almost eight years (8 in May), and have had plenty of fun times in the bedroom if you know what I mean but still no kids--which of course our parents have noticed.
On main problem stems from my husband's cancer history (he had it twice once at 15 again at 25 but is all clear now). However, this has made it a little tricky for us to have kids as he has no extra "boys" (as I call them) to help with the process.

In the past couple years, as we started realized we were over 30, the desire to have children has grown but we are stumped with all these dilemmas. It seems it's just much harder than I ever thought it would be to just have a kid. While some people seem to pop them out like crazy here we are with so many obstacles.

First we looked at adoption which is a great option and that we really want to pursue. Initial cost about $1,500 for home inspections and initial paperwork, then a minimum of $10-12,000 for domestic and lots more for international. However, some countries won't even consider us because we have medical history.

More recently we thought why not try artificial insemination through a donor bank.WOW. I was completely against it at first -thinking how weird it would be to have another man's baby even it was all through medical procedures. But the more we talked about it it made sense. At least the child would have part of my genes which is cool. Plus the cost of trying at least three months is less than adoption. If it all worked... Course it's a big IF.

And that's where we are now. We're in the middle of this process of doing IUI. Last night we went "shopping" for donors and that was very weird. We did purchase yet but need to very soon.

So this is my first official blog post on us maybe having a baby. Why am I blogging? Probably one for me and two for anyone who might also be going through this journey as it is a weird and awkward thing. In the midst of being filled with hopefulness I find I'm also filled with a sense of weirdness with the main thought "What is going on here!?"