Sharing Attempt #2

On Thursday, May 27 we tried baby attempt #2 through IUI. Much like last time it was weird but not quite as weird as the first time since we kind of had an idea of what to expect.

I felt better about it all this time and think my body was more ready---we'll see in two weeks if it was just hopefully thinking or may I really was more ready. (chance are suppose to increase per month) I had more follicles and the fertility drugs didn't make me sick like last time so that's all good.

I am still laughing a little from the doctor's comment as we got started on Thursday, "Okay, guys, let's get lucky" Very silly. During the procedure the doc and nurse started talking about some medical supplies the needed to order and it was so weird, like we were just sitting in on some staff meeting. Course I was thinking, umm couldn't you have this conversation sometime when I'm not laying on the table half naked...ha ha.

Anyway things when well, I had some weird cramping throughout the day.

We did some shopping and enjoyed a nice lunch.

We finally broke down and told Josh's mom what we were doing and she was super excited. And of course she and others keep telling me all the fun things about being pregnant--course I just want to say hold your horses, let's see if we make it there...

We'll find out June 10 if it worked. I really want it to.

This whole process has really been a learning experience from being remind of all those things I learned in high school biology about how reproductive systems works to learning how to sympathize with other women who can't have children. It is such a personal journey. I find myself irritated when someone with two children says, oh I understand we tried for two years...Maybe they can really understand but I'm like, umm no you don't understand. We have already tried two years, and we're going through this weird medical procedure using a donor---we're not even talking about the same thing. Then there are friends who have went through something similar who seem to not care or want to talk about it at all..which seems odd to me also.

I hope this process helps me better minister to women and families. Maybe not always being so quick to say oh I understand but just to say I care about you, I am sorry to hear that, and we're praying for you...I guess that's what I want to hear right now just that people care. Maybe ultimately that's what everyone wants is to truly know that someone cares about them...not someone to compare their situation to yours.

This has also got me thinking about the idea of sharing. And how to incorporate a share night in to say a women's bible study. Just a night to share what is really going on in your life and heart, which so many of us seem scared to do (including myself).

We'll that's all for today... as we wait and hope that all the parts are moving and working together to create a zygote? or baby.

Okay so a lot has happened since my first blog attempt.

I went through with the whole IUI procedure and it was weird I admit...from having a sonogram on a day when you don't really want anyone seeing what's going on inside you to having the IUI procedure with my husband standing in the room, and the doctor saying okay here we go.... Weird.

Then the waiting period...two weeks of wondering...is this going to work? Am I pregnant? Can I still drink my Starbucks Mocha? And of course lots of people telling you what helps you get pregnant and what does not. Vitamins, Orange Juice, No Caffeine, Rest, No stress--yeah right to the last one!!

In the midst of this my husband and I celebrated his graduation from seminary. It was a great day!! The Monday after the graduation celebrations we were schedule to find out, if IUI #1 worked...

The result..."your test was negative, call us when you start your next period."

Disappointment! Blahh... I then had to call my husband and tell him the disappointing news. Then I had to e-mail or text various friends to let them all know (since it seemed that many more people knew about my cycle than I every imagined knowing).

Since then, we start the process again. In 12 days from today we'll have another sonogram to see if everything is "ready". Then if so, IUI #2. I am hopeful but have to admit already feeling deflated with the thoughts of what if this doesn't work? What will we do next? How are we going to pay for all this.

My questions for God continue to grow as once again I am wondering what I'm suppose to be learning from all of this? Is this to help me better minister to other women? Is this just for me to trust more? The screaming question inside me is, "What's the deal God?"

But still I trust Him.