Lost in our Minds

Figured it'd be good to post an update...We finalized all our initial paperwork with a local private organization but have since had a slight change of thought/heart. Thinking now about going through social services, which would cost very little compared to the thousands it will cost to go through a more private agency.

We also have been praying lots about whether this is God's plan for us. Is adoption something God really wants for us or just something we want. Logically it makes sense to have a family, to love on needy children, etc. but when it comes down to it, has God set us apart of something else? We don't know exactly. So that has been our continued prayer for the past couple months. "God we love the idea of children and think we'd be good parents but is that really what you want for us? Would you rather have us serve on the other side of the world in a place that would be hard for kids? Lord, give us wisdom"

We've been on this kid-seeking journey now for about 5 years (having been married for 10 in May). And it has not been smooth or easy which makes wonder. So far I don't think we've really gotten clarity on our big question but it has become more and more clear that the need for adoptive parents through the local social services or foster to adopt system is great.

I still wonder in the end of all this, what our family will look like. And still, even through the ups and downs we trust His soverignity and keep moving forward.

New Year Renewed Hope

It is now way beyond New Year wishes--as it is February. However, we are still dreaming of new year's plans and setting 2012 goals.

We finished off 2011 by submitting most of our adoption paperwork (still working on that crazy photo book!--and we are creatives who love taking photos--it's ridiculous I know).

Our full batch of paperwork included a ridiculous amount of essays questions on why we think we'd be good parents, and what we think are the biggest problems of children today and in the future, a full listing of our debts (yikes), medical history, bank verification, and employer references, to name a few.

It was great to officially deliver the majority paperwork to actually the wrong office in Roanoke, but it got sent on to the right one anyway. During our brief "review of the paperwork meeting"

I mentioned that getting the paperwork finished was a task, to which the case worker responded, "that is the easy part". I then asked, "what's the difficult part?" She responded? "The waiting." I didn't really respond but wanted to say, "but we've already been waiting, what's new?"

After the "big delivery" I checked back a couple weeks later to find out that we needed to mail off more forms and money, including a $100 money order to help process our finger prints (you know to make sure we are not criminals). We are now waiting on the results to come back. (Should be okay I think) Our next step will include scheduling an official first interview with the caseworker and scheduling our home study.

As aways, the adoption process is an interesting one. We have found encouragement in so many ways. It has been humbling as friends have offered their financial and prayer support when we least expected it and needed it most. There are days when their hope keeps me hoping. Of course, there are also times when I wonder if other people want us to have a baby more than we do. (Okay that sounds weird I know but I don't know how else to say it.) Yes, we want kids to raise, nurture, and love as part of our family but God has also blessed us with an incredible marriage and we love that too.

So as the new year kicks off (yes it is still kicking off) we are excited and anxious to see what 2012 will bring. In the process, I know my faith in God and many others around me will find new meaning.

In a year from now??????

So last night we had a time of testimonies at church about what the Lord has done for us, etc.
And I could help but look at the last year and see how God has provided so much. In the midst of this I wonder, what will our lives look like in a year from now? Will there be a child is a part of our family? Thinking about it makes me both nervous and excited. Adoption is odd in this way because you don't really have nine months to prepare...really you don't know how long you have...

Our adoption paperwork says something like this "if it has been more than a year you will want to meet with your caseworker to discuss your situation" So does this mean in less than a year we will have a child in our arms? Such an interesting time of trusting, hoping and much more.

Homestudy: Wow! That's a lot of paperwork

Today, after a few days of anticipation, as I knew the homestudy packet was coming, we got our home study packet in the mail! And WOW! Just looking at it is overwhelming...fingerprinting, psych evaluation (Hmm that one might be tricky!), and pretty much everything you would ever want to know about us, our home, our family, our work, etc... I'm thinking 100 pages worth of stuff to fill out! Do people having their own kids have this much paperwork? Are they evaluated THAT much?

I guess in a way it is fun to have a "project" but I wish it would magically fill itself out. And in this crazy age of technology I pretty much type everything. Can I (we) really write out 100 pages worth of stuff?!

It would be easy to just not do it and keep moving on with our busy lives. I told Josh we needed a vacation just to fill it out! So in a way, filling this out really means, we are in.. moving foward...we are adopting...we are giving up our free-spirited lives...(sort of)...we are a little more eager and hopeful.

I guess really paperwork is much easier than pregnancy right--in a weird way yes, and yet in a weird way no. Okay, either way!

Yeah for homestudy paperwork!

Oh and we are still finding pictures for our photobook--we have started it and found some good pictures! Weekend goal--finish the photobook!

Working on photobooks

So yes, it has been a few days and no the photo book is not done! It seems to be more work that I thought. It should be easy but we are looking through hundreds of photos on our computer for of course the best ones!

I did talk with the adoption agency at the end of last week and they are sending us our homestudy paperwork. Yea! I'm eager to get started on that!

Both Josh and I have been excited and hopeful about what is next. Course it still seems odd to talk about it but we are getting braver and braver.. Who knows maybe this blog will actually be sent to friends and family.

I think we are both cautiously optimistic... I actually went to his local kids sale at a nearby church and picked up a few fun baby items...just for fun. At first it was really weird being at the sale and of course I ran to a ton of people who looked at me like "why are you here...?" I almost left but instead settled into buying a few fun items that at the worst could be sold again and at best... used by a baby at our house....fun and scary times....

NEED A PHOTOBOOK!

Well so today caught me by surprise, not sure why it should be because we started this process and knew something would happen...anyway got a call from the agency we are working with and the lady said, do you have a photobook ready? I said, umm no we are working on one but don't have it ready yet. She said you probably need to work on it cause I have several birth mothers ready but don't any families. So if you can get that photobook ready as soon as possible that would be good!

Yikes! How exciting and scary all at the same time! Heading home now from work to work on our first photobook!

New House with swings

Today, we moved into a new house that has lots of space (4 bed, 3.5 bath) and a perfect area for kids with a great yard, playhouse, swing set and a porch swing. It is incredible. As I sat out on the porch swing I thought about what it would be like to have as child in my arms in our new home.

I shared this news with Josh, my husband, and found out he had been thinking about similar things in our new home. It's funny, it seems our new home is aching almost as much as we are for children.

The home is an amazing provision of God and came about in a surprising way. We will see what surprises God has next.